The New Nation - Internet Edition

Abu Mohi Musa

The real meaning of love is so much spreading and deep which cannot be defined to reveal its significance in a nutshell without an explanation. For that reason most philosophers did not rack their brains with the definition of love. Love is very simple and captivating but entangled with great complexity. Before going for an elaborate discussion on it, we shall have to know the comments of ancient philosophers. World famous philosopher Bernard Shaw commented that love is like cigarettes, which start in fire and end in ashes.

The reflections of philosophers are very antagonistic and allergic to love. So to speak, either they have no actual concept on it or it was a self-deception of their futility in love like the proverb `the grapes are sour'. So it does not need any criticism, as it carries no value. Bertrand Russell, another world famous philosopher, defined love as 'foremost of happiness.'

If the significance of Russell's comment about love is analysed, it cannot be taken for granted as true. He did not explain what the meaning of happiness is. Whatever is the meaning, happiness is found in copulation. And one of the pre-conditions to gain the fullest satisfaction in copulation is love. So much it finds from the reality of his comments: he has not as much depth as falcon's eyes as regards philosophical interpretation of love. Nevertheless, it cannot be considered null and void though it is not fully true because, this comment is applicable to the relation of husbands and wives (and lovers).

There is no remarkable tenet about love. In this regard, somebody might have conceived that it is all the same to copulate with harlot as the coition with any woman without love. This kind of thought is absolutely based on his personal feeling. This feeling cannot bring out the real significance of love. The first ingredient of love is mental attraction. If it remains absent, the question of copulation with harlot does not arise. Sexual intercourse with a prostitute presupposes her consent, otherwise such a copulation would be considered as rape.

The quality of material substance is a matter of ideal. Like that, love and happiness are also the same ideal matter but it is bifurcated in two idealistic ways. Love is a worldly affair and happiness is a spiritual one. The word love is a meaningful concept, which can be compared with a mirror. Whenever one stands in front of a mirror in a specific form, his image is reflected like that, as there is no partiality of the neatness in a mirror. As a matter of fact, the word love is also like that. It is equal to all irrespective of caste and creed. But there is a distinction that the meaning of love is different for different persons. It cannot be identical at all. Mother loves her sons, father loves his daughters, brother loves his sisters, husband loves his wife and lover loves his lady-lover. Can the significance of their love be measured with only one scale of a balance? Can a wife love her husband from the angle of vision that a mother loves her sons? As regards individuals, things, animals and the Creator, the significance of love is not at all identical. The demand for love is different in nature to different persons, animals and the Creator.

Yet the latent significance of love of parents, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, lovers is covered underneath only one word - sheet of love. They could not determine the secret and true nature of love. Owing to the complexity regarding love, it was not possible on the part of the ancient philosophers to define it. Every philosopher racked his brain with it. Some of them expressed their own thoughts and conceptions. But their thoughts bounced against futility and went out of the boundary of love.

As someone told, 'Love means loss of valuable energy'. Is it possible to grope to get the image, nature and significance in it? Indeed, at the very beginning, whoever introduced the word love in whatever language, did he know what is love? Of course, not. Jajabar, a novelist, wrote about love in his book, 'love gives supremacy to life, glory to death, burning to the cheated.'

He made a very splendid comment. This comment carries literary value. Apart from that, we cannot have unanimity in this regard. Could he understand what is love? Love gives burning - that is why love is like cigarettes to some people. On the other hand, we can say, the other name of vitality is love or the name of love is vitality. For that reason, a scholar like Kits told, there is no such ill-starred in the world as those who did not derive love as well as did not give love to anybody.

We are consenting with this comment. For want of love, it may even lead a man to frustration, make him forced to go to cats and dogs. The reality of this comment is found in the life of German philosopher Sophen Hower. He is called a pessimist. He lost his father in early life. His mother used to go to bed with others ignoring him after the death of his father. Finding this, a change came over him and it was hard to maintain mental balance on his part. Only body is not called life. Life has also a soul and mind. For the cause of soul and mind, love is very necessary. No one can realise what is love from the formulation that love means loss of energy or the name of vitality is love. But according to time, space and object, it has some truth in it. Every object has merits and demerits. Love has also two sides. If anybody is frustrated in case of love, it may be ascerbating to him. But when a mother loves her son, how can it be proved that love means loss of valuable energy?

So, considering the watching of ugly feature in a mirror, it is unwise to blame the mirror. Love is like fire of cigarette in the eyes of Bernard Shaw, but it may be fragrance of flower to others. Indeed, it is neither fire of cigarette nor fragrance of flower. It is something, which can spread fire in the minds of a frustrated lover, at the same time it spreads the fragrance of flower to others according to time, space and objects.

The seconder of Sigmund Freud and Freudian psychology conceives that the fountain of love is carnal desire. Even the love of a child towards parents is lascivious. The infant daughter has furtive aptitude to make sex-contact with her father, like that the infant son desires his mother.

Though Dr. Foren directly did not say anything about sexual basis of relations among father and daughter, mother and son, but his tenet of love is virgin-related. He says, 'The love in one sense is primitive sexual desire.' According to Bauer and other philosophers, it shall have to be taken for granted that in lieu of the word love, it reminds of some unknown strong impulse, which forces them to come into contact mutually, they feel. Herbert Spencer defined the form of love that combines many sharp elements like i. physical needs ii. enjoyment of neatness, iii. affection, iv. sense of prestige, v. begging of approval, vi. sense of self-esteem, vii. thinking of own, viii. independence of task in breaking of personality, and ix. development of mental compassion.

Here Freud, Foren, Bauer and Herbert Spencer - everybody mingles love with sexuality. They comprehend that the significance of love cannot be registered without sexual desires. On the other hand, the rebel poet Nazrul Islam said, 'Sexual desire and love are completely separate things. Sexual desire is social excitement and love is steady, wide and universal.' Besides, he said, love which evokes man and woman physically from opposite sides to embrace each other is not love at all, that is different thing or extravagant passion and sexual desire'.

Their tenets make us comprehend as if nobody could regard love distinguishing it from the sexual desire. On the contrary, we can ask, whenever one can love a thing or loves a beast or a bird, is there any sexual desire in his love for them? My eldest son was very much loved by his maternal grandfather. My son did not weep much over her death, as much as he wept for his beloved mynah (bird) when it died. Is there any sexual desire in this love?

In this regard, we may look back to the barbarian era when there was no existence of family life, society and state. The human beings used to live in forests like wild animals. Also at that time the male felt sexual desire. The male enjoyed women and left them like rags where the body of a woman was targeted to fulfil sexual desire. That is why, women were the objects of sexual pleasure in the primitive or barbarous stage but they were not the objects of love. Those who are giving so much importance to sexuality have evoked it in love in this way, we think, they have had no real concept about love.

Whatever ingredients Herbert Spencer has raised to explain the real form of love, we can say, it has special characteristics but carries no special significance. Almost all philosophers have the same tune in the their ideas. Besides the comment of Freud is considered not only to be lowermost, but is very misleading too. It might have cleared, if it could be ascertained that under what circumstances and how far the impact of the ambience affected him when he made this comment. As he stated, `infant daughter has longing to make contract with father for sexual-desire. But does her father love his daughter to make sexual contact?

If it is not so, then where is the wellhead of love of her father? Why mother loves her daughters and infant sons? Even when mother becomes old, her son loves and looks after her. Where is the origin of love here? Of course, some philosophers denied the tenet that this might have originated from love. But it can be admitted that sexual desire may be the cause of ferociousness. There are examples in the world that sexual desire makes force to violate and after violation the victim girl is throttled to death.

Beasts and lower animals have no sense of humanity and its value but have something like instinct to love their kids. The beast-mothers fetch food and eat them. Even taking the risk of life mother faces hazards to safeguard its kids. Is their any question of sexual desire? Here it has attraction of innate maternity like the nature of magnet, which is primitive and unadulterated. It is very instinctive and the rule of creation. Mother loves her infant sons; it is also the attraction caused by the nature. When the family and the society did not exist in the barbarian era, the attraction of mother to her kids was prevalent. That cannot be sponged out from the minds of mothers.

Without the sense of maternity and attraction for mother, the existence of human being would have been endangered. Like that, other creatures would have also been obliterated from the world for ever. Here is a question: how did Feaud, Foren and Spencer determine lust in love? Of course, love consists of lust with other ingredients. And what type of love which consists of lust? When the innate son or daughter reaches maturity, then they feel sexual desire in their organs. Towards whom sexual desire is to be created of a son. A girl attracts a boy and a girl attracted by a boy to make a sexual contact is very natural.

As other beasts and animals have no sense of analysis to distinguish the relationship in between them, they can make sexual contact or coition irrespective of their parents, brothers and sisters. According to ancient tenets, love should be the basis of marriage. Ellen Key stated, `there will have only one condition of marriage, those who love each other, they are husband and wife. The sexual desire is the foremost condition of love. After marriage the love grows among husband and wife. But the condition of happy conjugal life is love.'

The tenet of Ellen Key is not satisfactory, who said that condition of marriage is love. That may knock the bottom of an argument. In Bangladesh such occurrence happens so often where bridegroom do not see the bride, but the guardian selects the bride for marriage with him. So before marriage the question of love did not arise. After marriage they may love each other. They are tied up. But after dalliance among a boy and a girl, they can marry.

Many famous scholars have had a concept that, `the definition of love cannot be made. Bonesetter told, 'there is no such word like love used so many times, nevertheless, there is a mysterious affair like that. It is such that we feel its impact very much, but do we know an iota of it. We measure frequency of stars but how we fall in love, we don't know.

To speak the truth, love is a very mysterious and complicated matter, no doubt. It is necessary to dive into the depth of life for realising love. If it is not possible to know life, it is impossible to know love. When love becomes obscure to know, it is to be said like Bonesetter that we don't know how we fall in love. The complexity in the terrain of love is the main cause for not getting the definition of love. If we can realise the complexity, then it will be easy to retrieve the actual meaning of love and make its definition. It was mentioned that the significance of love has been kept concealed with only one word - sheet of love.

So, in making a definition of love, the person will not be considered to be the receptacle, love will be the receptacle of that idealistic matter. As, for example, when the idealistic matter of love is kept in the hands of mother, the meaning of love will not be the same when it will be kept in hands of inamorata. There will have to be the ingredient of sexual desire in the love of inamorata and it is a must. When the same person becomes mother, the significance of love will change and love will be called maternity.

Before going to define love, let us try to know the ingredients which love consists of. There must be a clear idea about the ingredients of love. Then it may be easy to define. There are six general ingredients and in addition to that one ingredient is for husband and wife as well as lover and inamorata i.e. seven ingredients for husband and wife. The ingredients are:

1.Mental attraction, 2. Desire for welfare, 3. Interest, (a) Materialistic and (b) Idealistic, 4. Knowledge or sense, 5. Emotion, 6. willingness, and 7. sexual desire which is applicable to only husband and wife.

The first ingredient of love is mental attraction. It means, it has to be sounded well. It is a precondition of love. Without mental attraction love cannot be created. Suppose a young girl loves me, but I don't like her. In this case my love will not be created for her. Of course, question may arise here that it may sound well in case of lovers, but in case of parents? In this case, there may be the question of mental attraction. There are so many instances in the society that parents do not love their offspring and even sons do not love their parents. Because of that, the mental attraction may remain absent with other ingredients of love.

Desire for welfare is the second ingredient of love. As for example, a story titled as Bolai has been written by Rabindranath Tagore. In the story Bolai loves and takes a shine to a sapling of silk-cotton tree. He always takes care of it. When the naughty boys tear asunder the leaf of it, he feels very much sorry for that. It means, he has desire for welfare of the sapling. In films, when a villain kidnaps the heroin, the hero then and then runs after them to rescue her. This is the `desire for welfare' to heroine. Desire for welfare is an important ingredient of love.

Selfishness is the third ingredient of love. It is bifurcated. One idealistic and another materialistic. Bolai loves the sapling of the silk-cotton tree. Where is his interest? As the sapling grows up, it sounds well to him. It is self-satisfaction, he feels it. Here this selfishness is idealistic. The materialistic selfishness of love is that, if Bolai used to think, once the sapling would grow up and give him cotton and it would be used for the domestic use. The love of materialistic selfishness is considered to be low standard. But there must have to remain both idealistic and materialistic selfishness in the love of husband and wife. Indeed, there is no love without selfishness. There will be either idealistic selfishness or will have materialistic selfishness in love. In case of one, materialistic selfishness is the main object. And for another, idealistic selfishness is the main object.

The importance of sense or knowledge cannot be slighted over or lessened or as an ingredient of love cannot be deducted. As for example, a stripling every day observes five girl-students going to school along a road. Among them, he becomes sweet upon a girl but she looks very ugly. Complexion is not fair. Despite that he has taken a shine to her. Because, she has some extravagant quality that could draw him to her, which is not found in others. In this case, the knowledge analyses which quality of the girl sounds well, either figure or neatness or quality? On the basis of this sense, love may be created for that girl.

Emotion is a very important ingredient of love. It is such an ingredient which forces one develop artistry, lacking in that no one can even be literate, love cannot be created. Emotion creates the force or motion in mind. Sometimes that creates pains to get the contiguity of lover. Whenever he gets his lover close to him, then he feels satisfied. Due to emotion, parents keep themselves waiting for their sojourner son. Emotion creates motion for positive action. If and when a lover becomes frustrated, the emotion may turn into reverse and may be the cause of harmfulness. Even due to that the lover may kill his inamorata. Sometimes the frustrated lover may use drug or take alcohol to quench the pain. And temporarily he may get rid of the pain. In this position the love may give cremation.

After all, without inclination the question of love does not arise. As for example, a Muslim boy has taken a shine to a non-Muslim girl. His love consists of all the ingredients but due to her being non-Muslim, he apprehends that his parents may not accept their matching. In that case he may be reluctant to develop love with her. But if there is a strong impulse in him, defying his parents he may develop love and get married.

Practically without any ingredients cited here, love cannot be created for anybody. There are six ingredients for general love and in the terrain of husband and wife or lovers, the rest ingredient `sexual desire' must be counted. There will be two definitions of love. One is for general love and another for husband and wife as well as lovers. The definition of love as regards husband and wife as well as lovers cannot be applicable to others where love consists of six ingredients. This is the actual reason for futility to make definition of love. The ancient scholars could not comprehend this difference. That is why they did not rack their brains to make a definition of love. And for this reason famous philosophers Freud, Foren and Spencer esteemed the sexual affairs in love.

There is no sexual desire in love of brothers and sisters. The only ingredient `sexual desire' must have remained there in love of husband and wife as well as lovers. The definition of general love may be made as ` mental attraction to the matter, animal or human being with exclusive significance comprising of selfishness, which desires for welfare of the subjects.' Someone else may expect that the definition of love should have to be poetic. But there is no scope for that. Here out of six ingredients of love, only three ingredients remain present like mental attraction, desire for welfare and selfishness while rest three are silent.

When anybody bears love for others, then this love consists of six or seven ingredients that will come under discussion but the silent ingredients like emotion, knowledge and inclination need not be cited in the definition of love.

In the love between husband and wife as well as lover and inamorata the 7th ingredient like sexual desire shall have to remain present. In absence of this ingredient, the question of marriage does not arise and no one can have the dream for a home with the opposite sex. On the basis or centring of this love the system for marriage is prevailing, even the family, society and civilisation were built due to this love. Mother loves her sons, no diversity in it. It is universal, it is instinct. As the beast loves its kids, coddles. But the love of the lover and inamorata has diversity. Most of the poems, novels and the cinema-stories were written centring on the love of the couple. So the definition of love in this age may be made as follows: `The mental attraction and emotion of a man and a woman which make an act of impelling to find the attitude that brings them together physically is called love. In the chapter on happiness (written in the book Sristi theykay Dhawbangsha), happiness has been defined. Happiness is such an idealistic thing that is stored in the sexual concord. And for this divine happiness many emperors abnegate their imperial thrones. Love is more precious than that to them. And that is why, happiness has the space to be mingled with the definition of love in youth.

According to its character the word love takes different names, like attachment, affection, reverence, friendship, etc. All these words are substitutes for love. With these words the position of the character may be identified. As I regard my teacher, it means I love him like a son loves his mother. It will never mean that the son falls in love with his mother like a lover. The word love (in Bangla word Prayem) is used in two different terrains. One loves for lovers and secondly used for Creator i.e. Allah. The word love cannot be used for everybody. As I love my daughter, it means I show affection to her. But if I say that I make love (prayem) with my daughter, it will be wrong grammatically.

Love is double-faced like sacrifice and enjoyment. The love of sacrifice lasts long and it has an idealistic interest. On the other hand, the love of enjoyment has a short fixate which has the materialistic interest. But in the field of husbands and wives, there must be both the interests. The love of sacrifice reveals the identity of noble mind while the love of enjoyment gives out the identity of selfishness. Those who are selfish, cannot love people and cannot be patriots. According to weight, there are three classes of love. Class one love is creative in nature that is nourished by husband and wife. Love to Creator is considered to be class three. And all other love is class two.

Love remains or develops not only in human being; even beasts and creatures have love except two categories of creatures like tree and earthworm. But where is the fountain of these kinds of love? This love is very instinctive and very natural. It is observed that intelligent creatures like monkey, chimpanzee and human being feel or develop love. They live together in pairs. They may be well- wishers to each other. The main ingredient of love of the intelligent creature is sexual desire.

In the provinces of human being, there are two fountains of love. One is instinct and the other is sense of human value. And it has also two external wellheads. One is blood-related and the other is organ-related while beasts do not have those organs. Blood-related love is created due to blood relation as mother loves her son and sister loves her brother. In this case, mental attraction is not important. Even if kids are crippled, blind and very ugly to see, mother loves them. The sense of organ-related love is created in three ways. As for axampla, eye, ear, nose (and also tongue). Those who do not have these sense organs, cannot love anybody as an inert object cannot love. For human beings the eyes and ears are most important sense organs to love. Mental attraction may grow up at sight. Hearing the songs, some may like the singer. But in case of matter, only eye (and sometimes nose) is the important factor. First of all, it has to be sounded well, which is the precondition of sense of organ-related love. If anybody does not feel the interest, he may not approach to make love. The interest does not have any criterion. What is right to one is not the same to others. Personality may sound well to a girl, at the same time some girls may like a licentious boy. It absolutely depends upon her inclination.

We may divide the love into two segments. One is animate and another is weak. Sense of organ-related love sometimes can die out and sometimes resuscitate. Animated love is like when the both poles of magnet are pulled to each other. But weak love is one- sided. If the subject becomes out of sight this love may loose its mental attraction. Even animated love may die out. It depends on the susceptibility or impulse of the person. But the sense of organ-related love cannot die away. Of course, it may go asleep in the innermost recess of the mind. In case of a son who was lost from his mother or parted all on a sudden, mother perhaps, will never forget her son, but the perplexity for the son will not exist. If and when this lost son comes back to his mother, the impulse may burst into fire like volcano.

The attraction between man and woman is primitive and eternal which is very instinctive. But the distraction cannot be considered as natural. There are some vital causes lying behind attraction and distraction. When the inconsistency is crystallised in their characteristics or disharmony may cause their estrangement. In that case love between them may not remain alive. Men, naturally, may be selfish in case of love. Behind their love, a furtive longing is functioning, that is, just to reach a certain goal. This goal is called sexuality. After the final game, the love may turn into marriage or it may lead to estrangement. Before marriage, after the coition in a couple, the attraction of man may be feeble to some extent. The attraction of woman may remain unchanged. But this is not applicable for husband and wife. The conjugal life is based on sexuality. But due to inability to fulfil sexual desire, the relationship of the couple may freeze. Curtain may drop on their conjugal life.

It was told that there is a little space in the literature for the discussion about love of parents as well as brothers and sisters. Because it has no thrill and diversity but it has an attraction. The litterateurs have given importance to sense of organ-related love, as they are very much fond of diversity. Regarding love Rabindranath Tagore said, `To feel the infinity in life is called love, without love conjugal life has another name of adultery.' In this regard, I like to mention here that, Rabindranath was amorous but he has no real sense of love. Here is the question, which could feel the infinity in life, how much they were in number? If it were so, then the love would have become the personal property of them, of a few persons. There were so many instances or that happened in the life of the scholars who swallowed the wristwatch instead of boiled egg when they feel the infinity in life. If he would have told that to feel the infinity in life is the name of happiness', to some extent, it was taken for granted. Because happiness can make the man absent-minded. But love will never do so as the impulse, an important ingredient, which keeps rekindled. The impulse is always keeping the kindling in the life and he may feel excruciating. So both lovers cannot be absent-minded when they come in contact through love. Love is such type of a platform, where sweeper to emperor, wealthy and woebegone, everybody can make locus standi for him or her. Only in this field there is no difference among them. All of them are heroes and heroines from their sides. All are equal.

'Without love, the conjugal life has another name of adultery.' There is no logic in the comments of Rahindranath Tagore. The question of adultery in conjugal life may arise, when the wife becomes indifferent to coition or she forbids her husband from enjoying her, but her husband tries to enjoy against her will. They may have the difference of opinion in the conjugal life, but it is very natural for them to be stimulated in carnal desire. Because this is the basis of conjugal life. If anybody either husband or wife becomes indifferent to it, the word `conjugal life' can not exist. So the comment should have been like that, ` deviation of love, conjugal life is the blazing furnace of hell.' And that is why separation is desirable.

Heretofore it was mentioned that love is like such a mirror, when one stands before it in a particular form, his image will be reflected like that. For that the mirror cannot be blamed. Many lovers being deceived by the inamorata, lay blame on the whole womenfolk. But this is absolutely illogical. Woman is such a character who has no dye of her own. The vessel where she is kept, she sustains the tincture of the vessel. This is the natural characteristic of woman. The merits and demerits of woman, sometimes, depend on the male. A woman can be very nasty, but considering her activities, the whole womenfolk cannot be blamed. It is objectionable and undesirable.

Regarding wedlock with each other, it was told for the women that matrimony means nothing else except a long-term harlotry. The women rest assured of maintenance for the whole life in lieu of their sex-properties involving in the long term harlotry under the cover of marriage.' It is an adage of a civilised country like England, which was very vainglorious with wisdom. Who was the `maker' of this sentence, it is not known. But there is no reflection of philosophical thoughts on it; rather it gives out mark of their mean-mindedness. According to this comment, would he admit that his mother is a prostitute? All the prophets, philosophers, scientists and scholars came out of the womb of a woman. If the value of woman is two annas in all respects, but only in this field, their value is fifteen and half annas. If all mothers had desired that the kids in their womb would not see light and would be throttled to death, where the civilisation of the human being would have gone? How the maker would have boasted with pride?

Virtually women are feeble on various sides that is caused by nature only to maintain equilibrium. If women were strong both mentally and physically like men, they would have raped them by force. Life would have become undisciplined. A complete life means a pair of a male and a female. In the domestic life, the female may be weaker than the male, but from the outlook of importance the female is equal to the male. Light has no value, if the dark does not exist. Like that, male has no value if the female was not created. Some of the male members feel proud that they (male) are self-dependent.

But when they become self-dependent? After the delivery of the child, how much and how long he shall have to be dependent on his mother? And how much is the cost of the debt to mother? Apart from all that, at the age of youthfulness the male sometimes loses his balance. To keep the balance in male, women come to their life as nurse. Where woman is deceitful, there she is an embodiment of love. Where she is a female there she is an ambassador of peace. So in the conjugal life, it is not wise to distinguish who is superior and who is inferior?

Both male and female are superior creatures. Their love means organisation of a civilised society. Their love is a social tie. The lack of love may lead the conjugal life towards estrangement, it may conduct the society and civilisation to barbarity. For want of love, human beings may be ferocious for nothing. In the absence of love the whole world will steep down gradually towards destruction.

(Writer is a philosopher and columnist).