The New Nation - Internet Edition

Nisha

Are you sick and tired of complaining about your men and relationships. If you're looking for a change - change something. Stop complaining about it all of the time. Do something about it.

Men aren't all bad, and some really try hard to make us happy. What do they get in return? If you want true happiness in a relationship, there are some simple steps.

Figure Out What Makes You Happy: If you don't even know what will make you happy, how can anyone else? A boyfriend will just be banging his head against a wall trying to make you happy. Can anything make you happy? Some people never seem satisfied. This is the worst kind of person to date. Don't make somebody else's life hell simply because you don't know what it is you want. If you can't define your own happiness - don't date until you can.

Stop Expecting the Unexpectable (and getting pissed off when it doesn't happen): Women tend to complain that their men never buy them cards and flowers and candy, etc. That isn't a natural thing for a man to do! Instead they may do something like change the oil in your car, take out the garbage or fix the garage door opener. To them, that can be equivalent in meaning and intention as a dozen roses. It's their way of saying they love you and that they care about you and are thinking about you. Next time they do something like this for you - thank them with a huge kiss. And mean it!

Stop Dating Men You Know Are Wrong For You: Stop anticipating changing your men. You don't want to change, why should they? If you know you don't want the man you're dating to go out with his friends or sit around on Sundays watching football - don't date men that already do these kinds of things. God forbid they may continue with their behavior. You should assume that the man you meet will be the man you date. They aren't going to change their lifestyle simply because you wish them to. If you want a man to be at your side every evening - date a man that wants to be at your side. If you want a man that doesn't drink - don't date a man that drinks. It's pretty simple. Get off your goddamn high horse expecting to change everyone.

Learn To Speak Up, Have An Opinion: Don't be a wimp all of the time. Offer suggestions of things you'd like to do. Don't sit and pout all evening because your boyfriend ordered pizza in when you would have rather have gone out for Chinese. If you don't say anything- how can he know? Men can't read our minds. Speak up. The worst thing you can do is get pissed because something you have planned secretly in your head doesn't go according to plan. You need to let men know what you're thinking. It's the only way they have a chance at doing the right thing.

Cut The Apron Strings: Mother's are great. If you have a good close relationship with your mother, good for you. But don't let her interfere with your love life. Mother's aren't supposed to like all of our boyfriends. In fact I think it may be their job to destroy any relationship we have. Especially mothers that are divorced or in rotten marriages. Mothers that are jaded against men. You could be dating Prince Charming and your mother will do her damnedest to convince you he's a pig. She can twist every word and action into a diabolical plot that he has to harm you. God forbid you should actually give your mother ammunition against your man. If he does something small to upset you and you confide in your mother, she will never let you forget it. Be careful of what you say. It will come back to haunt you. Usually in front of the man you love.

Men Can Have Women Friends: Stop assuming that every woman your man talks to is an affair waiting to happen. Just as women can have male friends, men can have women friends. Stop being suspicious all of the time. If you don't trust your boyfriend, why are you dating? On the same note, people can be late. Late for appointments, late for dates, late home from work. Many times there isn't a good reason. Have you always been punctual? Stop jumping to conclusions every single time. If you have proof that you have something to worry about - get out of the relationship. Don't make both of your lives miserable. Otherwise, loosen up.

Don't Push The Marriage Issue: If the two of you are meant to get married, you will. It should be a mutual feeling. Don't force your boyfriend into a marriage through guilt or constant nagging. The marriage won't last. If you are truly in a place in your life where you want to be married and your boyfriend doesn't want to be - you have to make a decision. Wait patiently or find someone else. It's pretty simple. All of these women forcing marriage on their boyfriends are pathetic. Why marry someone that doesn't want to be married to you wholeheartedly? Think about it.

When It's Over, It's Over. Show some pride. If he breaks it off with you, it will hurt. But you really need to get over it. Following him around town and phoning twenty-seven times a day just makes you look like a loser. No wonder he broke it off. On the flip side - if you broke it off with him - don't expect him to be your friend. Don't be mad if he doesn't want to be friends or do lunch or talk about your new love. He wants to move on. Let him.

We as women have complete control over our own happiness. I'm not sure why so many women settle for complaining about their lives versus changing them. In order to find a good boyfriend, you must be a good girlfriend. Take stock of your life and yourself. If past relationships have repeatedly gone bad - ask yourself why. Have all of your past loves complained about you being too clingy? Were you? Honestly? Do you find yourself rushing into relationships simply so you're in a relationship? Have you spent time enjoying your solitude? Have you discovered who you are as a person? Do you know what it is you want in a man? Until you know these things, chances of having a good relationship are slim to none. Many men want a relationship to last as much as you do. By taking some steps and being realistic you'll find this a much simpler task.

Marriage is a commitment of caring, time, and attention. However, when real life settles in, the details of keeping a marriage alive and healthy sometimes go by the wayside. When that happens the vitality in a marriage can dim. Making a commitment to a weekly date with your spouse can help to keep the romance. A commitment to go out every Friday night gives you something to look forward to together. It also says that you are making your relationship a priority. The first step is simply to start dating. Anything will do for a date, but begin making the commitment to a weekly date and making it a habit. Go to the movies, or out to dinner even if all you can afford is the the local fast-food restaurant.

Enlist Your Family

Discuss with your children why having a weekly date is important to being a better mom and dad. If you haven't practised a weekly date, children may be a little fussy on the idea. Discuss why it's important for the two of you to have time alone and how it will benefit them. Once children understand, they will usually encourage you to go out and balk if you don't.

Plan At Least Two Dates A Month Alone

Its fun to go out with other couples, but it doesn't allow you to connect with your spouse. Conversely it's also good to socialize with other couples. Friendship help us to appreciate our own marriages. A little of both scenarios is best.

If Money Is Tight, Don't Make Your Dating About Money

This is about spending time together, not going to the ritziest restaurant in town. Find inexpensive ways to spend time together. Take a drive, get an ice-cream cone, or plan a picnic. Find out what the local community has available for entertainment.

They often have inexpensive concerts, old movies, art showings, etc. There are tonnes of ways to have fun without spending a fortune. Don't let money be an excuse for not dating. Your relationship deserves time together.

Reconnect With Each Other

Don't just go through the motions. Dating your spouse is a time to reconnect and talk. It's natural to spend some time venting about work but don't make your whole date about your job. It's hard to connect and feel close if all you do is talk about your work projects.

Even if everything is going great at work, don't monopolize the talk time with it. Allow the conversation to be a give and take situation. Talk a little, listen a little, share your talking time and use this time to become part of your spouse's life again.

Smooch and Hold Hands

Enjoy your time together. Kiss and hold hands. Park in a romantic spot and make out like teenagers. Put a little sizzle back in the union. Have fun with it and you'll find yourself connecting just like brand new lovers.

These are the little things that tend to go away first as soon as children come and the reality of a busy life sets in. Just holding hands is such an intimate connection. And when is the last time you just kissed?

Enjoy Spontaneous Dating Too

Although you should have a scheduled date every week, don't let spontaneous moments pass you by either. Take a Sunday drive together. Some couples drive through neighborhoods to find great landscaping ideas, or new flowers ideas for the yard.

Don't have your dream house yet? Take a drive and dream over the options together. Taking a drive together can turn into a really fun and enjoyable time together time to connect. It's relatively free if you don't count the cost of petrol. If petrol costs are causing stress, consider a walk. It's healthy and encourages time to share and talk."

Go Away At Least Once A Year

Every couple needs a special vacation at least once a year to put the spark back into their marriage. It doesn't have to be s long vacation, a weekend will do. It also doesn't have to be somewhere expensive or exotic. Find a great hotel room with a jacuzzi.The important is to find a few days every year to do something special.

Whether it's a hotel, a bed and breakfast, or a camping trip, the idea is to spend time together in a way that will be special for both of you. That means you can't take your wife fishing if she hates the outdoors and you can't take your husband to a weekend of art galleries if looking at paintings makes him fall asleep. This is the time to find something you both enjoy.

Take a Class Together

Perhaps you could try a dance class. There is something very romantic about learning to waltz or salsa together. An hour of learning to stay in step can add some sizzle to your union.

Learn something new together to really strengthen the bond in a relationship. Dancing is just one option.

Perhaps learning to throw a clay pot seems like more fun. Or try a painting class. It really depends on your mutual interest.