The New Nation - Internet Edition

How many of us will admit that we have trust issues…aloud? We mentally admit it to ourselves every day. We may even pick our non-judgmental girlfriend/ male pal to share our secret with. But, will we share it with our mate? Most of us won't out of fear of our mates response, being lonely, or self struggle. But let me just give all the men and women reading this article a big news flash…You cannot deal with your trust issues alone.

We begin our relationships in this la-de-da infatuation love land, completely oblivious to anything wrong then boom, in walks wrong back handing you across the face. How many times have we said to our mates, "We'll get through this together" "I forgive you", "Trust doesn't happen overnight", "It'll take some time to get back to where we were." In reality, we never get back to where we were because once that initial barrier of trust is broken, we have to make the decision to start anew knowing that there is flaw in the relationship that has the potential to flair again, though it may never.

So what do you do?

The easiest thing to do is to shutdown. We're human and it's totally understandable. Your heart has just been ripped from your chest and mauled by a herd of wild elephants. But just how long do you plan to stay there?

Let's take the most common reason to lose trust in a relationship, cheating. So you found out. It hurts like hell. You want to leave. You question yourself. You try comparing yourself to the other woman/man. You start thinking that you've lost something. You blame yourself for becoming complacent. You blame yourself for missing any signs. You blame yourself…period. Stop!

Yes, realizing that a partner cheated whether he/she told you, you called Cheaters Inc, walked in on the act, read text messages, found emails or a secret website, it burns. It is a hard horse pill to swallow. But one thing that mustn't happen is to not talk about it.

Talk. If you have to talk about it every other day for a year, do it. If suddenly it pops into your mind again and you have a question, ask it. The more you and your partner can become comfortable with what has happened in the relationship, where things broke down, where he/she lost themselves, the stronger the relationship will be as time goes on. Not everyone's recovery time is a quick turnaround.

The same goes for a relationship that involves a partner spending money or making decisions that affect the both of you. When things like this happen, trust has found an open window and flew right out. Then, secret bank accounts pop up, double lives are created, arguments become more frequent, and the next thing you know, you can't stand to sleep in the same bed, be in the same room, hear his/her voice, dread going home, despise their laugh or the way they blink, chew, walk, talk. You start nit picking. The same things that you once loved about your partner becomes the thing you hate. All of this could have been avoided with a real conversation. But in order to have that conversation we must get over our egos and ourselves. "I'm not talking to him/her, I'm mad…Grrrrrr." Please!

In relationships across the globe something will happen to make us question our partners judgment and possibly lose trust in him/her. But I urge you to communicate it. I'm not saying to throw it back in their face, "Well how do you think I felt when you were with that bimbo" "You weren't thinking about me or loving me when you were laying with that Neanderthal". Comments like this only force your partner to lock up and not share with you what or why they committed the act they did.

If you need to cry, do it. If you're angry show it, without the violence. If you need to yell, do it without verbally berating or belittling your mate. "You dumb, stupid, sick, twisted, no good, nasty, cowardly…" This won't work! In fact, it will only worsen the situation and in some cases, depending on the partner, will only push him or her away and back into the direction of the other person.

What we have to understand is that when our partners find out that we know their secret they are horrified. One, because we've found out that they are not perfect (Though we already knew this), two, they fear being alone, three, they've just become "that guy" "that girl" that monogamous people despise. They have to now deal with the guilt, the mistakes, the ever-burning memory of our reactions on a daily, including the repercussions of divorce, separation, custody battles, public knowledge, etc.

When we sit them down and say, "What happened? When did it start? Why did you do it? What did you get from it? Do you have an issue with an aspect in our relationship? Do you feel neglected? Do you wish to continue seeing him or her? Where do we go from here? What do you want?" we're letting him/her know that we're willing to listen and discuss how we can get back on track. And though your partner may struggle with inquiries of other women/men from time to time, he/she will deal with it and understand that it's what is needed in order to make you better and continue to build a stronger union.

Communication and honesty can build a relationship and the lack there of can tear it down. How can you have trust or attain it, for that matter, without honest conversation and sentiment?