The New Nation - Internet Edition

Karen Oliver

Being worried and anxious about something is probably inevitable to some degree, but when this happens on a day-to-day basis about your work and your relationships, it's a damaging space to be in.

Many people spend vast amounts of money and time searching the globe for the secret. So where can it be found? The answer lies inside of us!

Our unconscious mind has many very important functions. It runs our bodies without us even having to consciously think about them - breathing, the pumping of our heart etc. Its constant mission is to protect us. It is our loyal servant. The unconscious mind also files away our memories and with them the emotions attached. When we are young children and do not possess the relevant resources to deal with trauma or difficult situations we often build coping strategies. They are created to protect us often by producing stressful physical symptoms that send the message to avoid this situation at all costs. A phobia is an extreme case of a coping strategy. These strategies may be very effective and helpful when you are five or six, however, they can become a source of anxiety and stress and keep you from fulfilling your potential for emotional growth. Recognizing these strategies will allow you to begin to effectively change these strategies into more resourceful ones that will carry you forward and allow your unconscious to realise it is now safe to deal with these situations.

Ask yourself when these strategies are triggered, what is it that happens just before they come into play? Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen if I confront this situation?

Remember everything that you have experienced in your life has lead you to where you are now. Those decisions have been your choice. You are where you are because of your choices. If you can imagine a line that represents your life, a time line and you are standing on it now. Can you see where the future is? Where will you be if you continue to repeat the same strategies and behave in the same way in two or three or five year's time? Is that where you want to be? Can you see another route open to you? Remember you have all the resources you need right now to pursue this other route. Can you see well being and inner peace on your new route? How attractive is that image? Perhaps if you bring that picture a little closer and allow the picture to become sharper it may feel more achievable and attractive. Can you imagine how you are going to feel when you are there? Take a moment to enjoy that feeling of being totally at peace with yourself.

Another step towards well being and inner peace is recognizing emotional triggers: the moments that you go into automatic as if a button has been pressed. Who is in control of your emotions? It may not seem like it, but you are! No one can make you angry or upset - you have the choice as to how you react. These emotional triggers quite often have their origins in childhood and build with each negative experience until they drive your behaviour in a way that leaves you feeling less than satisfied with the results. Being able to choose your own emotional state brings with it a sense of balance and control and relieves feelings of being overwhelmed.

Acceptance is also a big part of being at peace. What do you tell yourself when you do something wrong? "I am so stupid." "I am a failure." The inner dialogue that runs in our thoughts structures our reality. Therefore if we tell ourselves we are stupid, we will run our lives believing that is the truth. How would that affect your every day life? We all have inner dialogue and most of us are not even aware of it, let alone realise how these consistent thoughts build our reality. Once you have realized the harmful program you are running you can begin to change it. Ask yourself who's voice am I hearing when this negative inner dialogue is present? Is it your own or someone else? Now when you run that inner dialogue change the tone of the voice, make the tone more high pitched like Daffy Duck. Now speed the voice up, how ridiculous does it sound? Not very believable! Every time you hear that voice keep repeating the process until you are free of it. Now you have an empty space for more positive and motivating inner dialogue. The new dialogue has to be something that you can believe. Maybe something like "I am willing and able to learn" or "My mistakes make me stronger and more determined to succeed." How different would it feel to run these on a regular basis? How would it affect your behaviour? What would happen to your belief in yourself? The new inner dialogue can be run as often as you feel necessary.

How do we expect others to accept us if we are not accepting of ourselves?

Human beings are in a very fortunate position to be able to change the memories and associations in the mind that can hold you back and stop you from being successful as, although you cannot change history, your memory is simply that - it may not represent the truth, just the way you have recorded it in your mind. By dissipating the emotion attached to it and taking some learning from that experience, you become more able to recall it, without the driving emotions that took you over previously. This facilitates more balanced and controlled behaviour.

Well-being and inner peace comes from being aligned with mind and body. Being aligned means you are able to fulfill your beliefs and values. Have you ever had a job that you dreaded going to every day or a relationship that never quite completed you happiness? You even appeared to be more prone to illness and emotional highs and lows.

Ask yourself; are your beliefs and values being met? If your value of honesty is of great importance to you and a belief that honesty is the best policy, then working for an unscrupulous employer who expects you to lie to customers is not going to bode well and will leave you feeling rather less than satisfied. If you have a strong value about respect and a belief that you should treat others as you expect to be treated yourself and your partner consistently disregards your wishes and behaves in a selfish way, this is not going to be the relationship that allows you well-being and inner peace. The way to harmonious work and love relationships is to understand your own values and beliefs and be sure that you can detect them in sufficient quantities in your prospective employer or partner. One way of finding your values is to ask yourself what is important to me in a job/relationship? It is important to remember that what we focus on creates our reality. Therefore be sure the focus is on the life you really want and not on what you don't want!