The New Nation - Internet Edition

Matchmaking need professionalism

Tanusree Barman

Sunil Dutt, a 32-year-old eligible bachelor, works inn a multinational company. He did his Masters degree in Management from Dhaka University. So far Sunil was busy with his study and future planning. Now those things are over. And it is time to get married.

But who will Sunil marry? He has no affair with any woman. One day his colleague Raihan took him to a matchmaking agency. Thinking long and hard, he became a member of that agency.

After a week, Sunil received a phone call from the agency and he went there. It was settled that he would go to see a 27-year-old prospective bride, Baruna Roy, the following day. On completion of her Masters degree from Eden College, Baruna now works in an advertising firm.

Her father, a civil servant, took the service of the matchmaking agency to marry his daughter off. Having a look at Sunil's CV, Barunas father contacted Sunils parents and fixed a convenient time for the meeting. This is how both sides advanced and at one stage Baruna and Sunil got married.

Sabbir, 37, and Tamanna, 30, also have the same story to tell. They got married two years ago. They came to know each other through a matchmaking agency. The couple is happy with the agency they got married through.

Nowadays people are very busy indeed. It is not possible for everybody to find out a life partner. So, they want to have partners through matchmaking agencies, also called marriage media.

Everyone is not happy with marriage media. For instance, Belayet Hossain, 57, has a whole lot of complaints against them. He went to quite a few agencies to have bridegroom for his daughter, but he didnt get any. On top of it, he found their process a bit confusing.

Many others say that marriage media charge excessive fees and even they demand fees from both sides. Marriage media take Tk 2,000 in membership fee and after the marriage they take Tk 10,000 to 15,000.

Some other allegations are also there against the marriage media. They confuse people showing their clients false bio-data, providing false information and frequent changing of telephone numbers.

Recently, news of cheating by marriage media is getting good coverage both in print and electronic media due to the ongoing anti-graft campaign.

Mona Lisa, a worker of a matchmaking firm, recently hit the headlines. She is blamed for portraying herself as a prospective bride sometimes from Canada, sometimes from the UK and sometimes from the USA. She used to meet the clients at different locations and take a good amount of money from them assuring to take them abroad with her.

No one really knows for sure how many matchmaking firms are there in capital Dhaka. One will get so many ads of matchmaking firms in the newspapers. Interestingly, most of the ads contain mobile phone numbers without names. And the contents of the advertisements are found full of lies.

So, there has been a mixed reaction to the role being played by the matchmaking firms. When some appreciate their business, some others come up with complaints of harassment.

Professor Abu Bakar Siddique, a teacher of Rajshahi University, says like many other organisations there is a need for matchmaking firms and they should work for the welfare of the society.

He says these organisations should provide people with a clear idea and correct information about prospective brides and bridegrooms. They must not confuse anybody. Marriage is a very important matter ones life. Cheating over marriage is a serious crime and the cheats must be punished.

Professor Siddique further says matchmaking firms will have to be much more accountable. And there should be an arrangement to constantly monitor these organisations. Only then, people will be benefited by matchmaking firms.

The actual number of matchmaking firms is not available as those are not registered. As there is no mechanism in place to regulate them, many such firms have sprung up without any rules and regulations.

Syed Julfiker Hossain, proprietor of Sanai Marriage Media says, they are planning to form an association of matchmaking firms to check cheating in the name of matchmaking. He says matchmaking firms should be registered to make them accountable. Weve proposed to the government a name, Marriage Media Welfare Associations, for registration. We do hope well get the no-objection certificate very soon.

There are marriage media in many countries in the world. Even in neighbouring India, matchmaking firms are working with reputation. So, there is no reason why they would not be successful in Bangladesh.

The existing matchmaking firms face many problems, including the absence of a government-approved association, lack of specific guidelines, fees, tendency among clients to conceal information, intimidation and negative impression about marriage media.

There is no denying that matchmaking has become a profession now. So, people expect that the matchmaking firms would do their business with professionalism and a service-oriented mentality.

Reproductive health care ignored in Asian countries

Manipadma Jena

Ever since she gave birth to a stillborn boy, Sajana Sabar, 20, has not spoken a word. A resident of Uchalla village in Golamunda block of Kalahandi district in Orissa, Sajana lives 75 kilometers away from the nearest hospital. For the delivery, her family had to hire a jeep for a princely sum of Rs 1,000 (US$1=Rs 42) to get to the sub-divisional hospital in Dharamgarh. There, the doctor demanded a fee of Rs 1,000 and then with another Rs 2,000 to pay off the medicines and food bills, Sajana's father-in-law, a marginal farmer, was compelled to sell off the entire year's stock of paddy when the first offer came along. The family spent over Rs 6,000 on the delivery but ailing Sajana came home - from the brink of death bereft.

Mana Jhankar, 24, is a daily wage earner in village Kuturukhamar of Bhawanipatna block, 12 kilometers from Kalahandi district. Her husband sells puffed rice and the couple finds it difficult to make ends meet. Understandably, when Mana was expecting, an institutional delivery was out of the question. The couple could ill-afford the government hospital expense of Rs 2,000. When Mana first experienced birth pangs, her husband was 15 kilometers away and unaware that his young wife was soon to endure a horrific labour: The baby emerged in a sitting position - buttocks out, head and feet stuck inside. By the time Sabita Nayak, an Auxiliary Nurse Midwife (ANM), reached Mana's house, the expectant woman had bled for five hours. Desperate to get her patient to a hospital, Sabita pleaded with the bus drivers on the highway to ferry them across but to no avail. Nayak then boarded a bus to return with an ambulance. Mana's tangled umbilical cord had to be cut into several pieces to extract the asphyxiated foetus. She was hospitalized for a week.

Lakhmani Sabar of Uchalla was a mother by 17 - just a year into her marriage to Dana, a daily wage earner. Their only surviving child, a daughter, is now 14. Motherless, the teenager is testimony to the district's high Maternal Mortality Rate (MMR). Lakhmani's subsequent four pregnancies had resulted in stillbirths and eventually her death. She had not been given a single antenatal check-up and was administered just one dose of tetanus toxoid, instead of the requisite three. Perhaps her life could have been saved had she been able to reach the hospital in Dharamgarh before she began to hemorrhage.

These pitiful tales are common to Kalahandi, where the official MMR is 364 per 100,000 live births as against the state's 358. But the district could well have an MMR of anything between 400 to 500 if the unregistered cases are factored in, states Dr B.C. Roy, Asst. District Medical Officer, Family Welfare Department. According to the NGO, White Ribbon Alliance (India), MMR goes up to 620 in rural Orissa - a level comparable with that of sub-Saharan Africa.

The three main reasons for a high MMR in Kalahandi - where nearly half of the populace comprises vulnerable Scheduled Tribes and Castes - are early marriage, low institutional deliveries and low intake of vitamin supplements during pregnancy. Poverty, educational backwardness and lack of health education and awareness - only 29.3 per cent of women are literate - are the other causes. Ironically, six out of 10 maternal deaths in the district are avoidable, says Roy.

But why do expectant women have to suffer at all? At the Jan Sunwaye (public hearing) of the Janani Suraksha Yojana (JSY) or Safe Motherhood Scheme, under the National Rural Health Mission (NRHM), conducted in Bhawanipatna, Kalahandi - one of the 22 held in backward districts by the Orissa State Commission for Women (SCW) and UNICEF over the last year - Sajana's mother-in-law arrived with a pertinent query. Embittered ever since she lost her grandchild, she asked, "Why should families like mine be compelled to sell land and food grain to get basic health services that should be ours by right?"

At the hearing, Sabita, as a medical professional, wanted to know why basic health services were so expensive and difficult to access for Kalahandi's Below Poverty Line families who form 62.71 per cent (1997 BPL survey) of the population.

Given this ground situation, the public hearing offers the most, and perhaps the only, effective communication method for women whose lives are at risk. They give them the opportunity to directly place their concerns in an open forum before rights commissions such as the State Commission for Women (SCW), decision-makers and planners. In the long run, public hearings help improve health service delivery, hold service providers accountable and build up a case study-based social audit system for policy changes. The 700 to 1,000 women who attended the public hearings certainly realised the power of their voice.

"Wherever we have visited, specifically in Koraput, Rayagada and Malkanagiri - all drought-prone areas, women demanded the posting of women doctors to address their problems," observes Namita Panda, Chairperson, SCW. Numerous complaints about defunct Primary Health Centers (PHCs) have also been made. Other issues raised included corrupt practices and bribery; medical negligence; poor health facilities; avoidable pregnancy-related deaths; lack of quality medicines provided by government facilities; and denial of medical services on grounds of caste. The hearings have already had a promising impact. The World Health Organization in its 2007 advocacy mapping and analysis of maternal and infant survival in developing countries has included Orissa's public hearings as one of the case studies along with approaches from Pakistan and Tanzania. They have also resulted in a Rajya Sabha (Upper House of Parliament) discussion on the Centers action plan in order to help the SCW in its safe motherhood social audit programme in the tribal/rural belts of the state.

At the ground level, awareness about entitlements under government health schemes has risen among beneficiaries; and both the Accredited Social Health Activists (ASHAs) and Panchayati Raj Institution (PRI) members are now expected to play a decisive role in grassroots health management under the NRHM.

The hearings have also led to prompt and effective redressal of complaints. A number of complaints against ANMs in Kandhamal, who demanded a sum of Rs 150 from the Rs 500 that each JSY beneficiary receives under certain guidelines, were documented. Official show-cause notices have been issued to health functionaries.

Further, a doctor charged with bribery - the complainant had been compelled to mortgage her land to cough up Rs 2,000 - was summoned to a hearing in the district. He was issued a show cause notice by the Chief District Medical Officer (CDMO) on the spot. The hearings have given a platform to health functionaries as well. Anganwadi Workers (AWWs) have highlighted the poor quality of food and its irregular supply; corrupt practices of 'sarpanches' (village council heads); and the fact that AWWs often have to spend their own funds to transport food to 'anganwadi' (community) center.

An immediate impact has been the placement of a complaint box at every CDMO's office, which is attended to on a weekly basis. People no longer have to travel to Community Health Centers (CHCs) to lodge a complaint. The box ensures that their voice reaches the appropriate authority.

According to many beneficiaries, public hearings have resulted in fewer instances of abuse and of having to bribe health workers. More people now seek healthcare facilities. The Daringbadi PHC records show a 100 per cent increase in institutional deliveries. In Kalahandi, more mobile health units (MHU) are being deployed to bring succor to the Sajanas, Manas and Lakhmanis of the district. An UNICEF official summed it up this way, "The public hearings have meant greater collective responsibility."

(Courtesy: Women's Feature Service)

Hindu women still face barriers in inter-caste marriage

Nirupama Dutt

Seema Banawal, 23, of village Karora in Kaithal district of Haryana, has one aim in life - to avenge the murder of her brother Manoj and his wife, Bubbly.

It was less than a year ago that the bread-winner of the house and his bride were brutally murdered by Bubbly's relatives. Their fault: they had fallen in love, eloped and married. Heartbroken, Chandrapati, 49, the widowed mother of Seema, picks up a picture of the young couple, "See how beautiful the two weret and how brutally they were killed."

As both were from the Jat community, from the same sub-caste and from the same village, their marriage was taboo. As per Hindu tradition, inter-caste marriages are prohibited, an alliance between a boy and girl of the same caste and 'gotra' (origin of a caste from the lineage of the seven sages in the Vedas) is not valid, and even a union between two from the same village is forbidden.

Seema recalls the harrowing summer of 2007, "Manoj and Bubbly eloped and we had no idea about it. Yet, we were harassed by Bubbly's relatives and the 'khap panchayat'. A case of kidnapping was registered and we were socially boycotted."

When the couple came back to Kaithal, Bubbly gave a statement to the magistrate saying that she had chosen to go with Manoj and that the two were now married. The magistrate instructed the police to escort the couple back to Jaipur, where they had eloped. Instead, the police put them on to a bus at Pipli, near Karnal. At Karnal, Bubbly's relatives tracked them down. On June 21, 2007, the couple was found dead.

Even as Seema wages a battle for justice - she has filed a case against her sister-in-law's family, another 'honour killing' is making headlines. In Balah village on May 9, 2008, Sunita Devi, 22, and Jasbir Singh, 27, both Jats, were killed by Sunita's father and other relatives. Their bodies were displayed like hunting trophies outside Sunita's house. Childhood sweethearts, Sunita and Jasbir had eloped and were living with Jasbir's sister, Neelam Devi, in Machhraoli village near Panipat when they were attacked. As the village celebrated the killings, the 'sarpanch' (village council head), Ranbir Singh Mann, announced with pride that the entire village supported the family in its 'noble act'.

Gruesome murders like these committed in the name of family honour and lauded by the local community indicate that material progress in these regions has not led to a tolerant outlook. Unfortunately, 'khap panchayats', or caste panchayats, that have been around since medieval times, still hold a powerful sway over people. Though they are not recognised by the government, they have a right to intervene in case there is any lapse in the caste and 'gotra' arrangement in a rural society.

However, today there is change in the air. This brutal tradition is now meeting with resistance from some rural women, with the support of women's groups like the CPM's All India Democratic Women's Association (AIDWA). Admits Seema, "I would never have had the courage to fight the case, which has resulted in six arrests, but for the support of Jagmati Sangwan and Brinda Karat."

Jagmati Sangwan, the Haryana president of Akhil Bhartiye Janwadi Samiti, (AIDWA in Hindi) reveals, "We have been protesting and resisting these barbaric acts for over a decade."

As a result of greater mobility and with more women gaining access to education, the number of marriages of choice, as against those arranged by elders, is on the rise. In Hisar, where there are three universities, the number of inter-caste marriages has increased. Since students of different backgrounds study together, they often fall in love and want to marry but are too scared to return to their villages for they know that it will either lead to separation or death.

Shakuntala Jakharh, state secretary of Janwadi Samiti, says, "The first case of inter-caste elopement came to us in 1987. In the last five years, we have come across many more and we have lobbied with the administration to ensure that these couples are given security. The administration doesn't act until pushed."

The administration is not keen to meddle with the local social hierarchy and do little even when public lynchings of couples take place. The violence ranges from murder, murder made to appear as suicide, public beatings to forced incarceration and social boycott.

"At times, the panchayat forces the couple into tying a rakhi to signify that they are brother and sister. What kind of twisted morality is this?" questions Sangwan.

Take the case of Sonia Devi and Rampal Dahiya of Asandha village in Jhajjar district. Married for over a year, with Sonia three-months pregnant, the Rathi caste panchayat of Asandha declared that the husband and wife could only be brother and sister. The judgement was based on the contention that Rampal's caste - the Rathis - inhabit the same village as Sonia's parents, who come from the Hooda caste. Sonia was thus from a third caste, but since there were Rathi settlements in her native village the marriage was considered wrong. At the panchayat assembly Rampal was told that he would be physically attacked if he refused to have a rakhi tied on him by his wife, who was then dragged towards him.

However, his mother and sister stood their ground. Just as the group was dragging Sonia to do this, Rampal's sister, Sheela Malik, 40, intervened. "I reached just in time. I even beat up a 'panch' (village council member). I was not afraid and I spoke out because someone has to speak out against such injustice."

Malik filed a case with the help of AIDWA. A timely petition filed by the People's Union for Civil Liberties in the High Court of Punjab and Haryana elicited a prompt response. The court directed the state government to rehabilitate the couple in their village and provide them with security. Though it was reluctant, the government had no choice but to carry out the court order. Today, after six years of marriage and two children, Rampal and Sonia still live in fear. Shanti devi, 60, Rampal's mother says, "While all is well on the outside, we are afraid that they may harm us. There have been two assaults on my son while he was working in the fields."

Sangwan says, "It is sad that the government has not condemned the killings of Sunita and Jasbir. The right to marry a person of one's choice should be protected. We have been working with rural women in Asandha and Jaundhi for years and have now been able to make a difference. In fact, there have been some concessions from the caste panchayats in these villages too." For instance, the Asandha khap panchayat has said that they will not interfere if a marriage is over a year or more old.

Such gruesome killings continue to make it to the front page of newspapers but end up being forgotten, with the administration taking little or no action. Even a higher social status is no protection. Santosh Yadav of Rewat village, who scaled Mount Everest twice and was awarded the Padma Shri in 2000, faced a tough time when she decided to marry outside her caste. She had no choice but to leave her state and settle elsewhere.

Meanwhile, Seema who is studying law, has been selected to the post of constable in the Haryana police. After Manoj's death, the family's financial situation deteriorated. Empowered by her struggle, Seema applied for and secured a job with the Haryana police. She goes for training in July. "The panchayat has now been pressurising us to reach an out-of-court settlement in exchange for cash. No money can compensate for such a heinous crime. I will fight to the very end."